One Final Date Night

As I sit down to write this, it was 365 days ago – just about to the minute – that I had my final Date Night with my precious wife, Barbara. It was not like any of the hundreds (if not thousands) of previous date nights, over the course of the preceding 35+ years of marriage, and courting. But it some ways, it was oddly enough, one of the best. Let me explain…

One year ago tonight, Barbara had been in the ICU, sedated and unable to communicate, for a week. We knew what the next day, what tomorrow, was going to bring. After other family members and friends had said goodnight, it was our time. It had been that way every night of that last hospital stay, but that final night was special. It was our last evening together. (At least until we see each other again in heaven. Thank you Jesus for making that a reality.)

One of the special aspects of the evening, was that the best ICU nurse ever, Sarah, had told us all to leave several hours earlier because they had to do their usual cleaning routines in the room. “You’re going to have a long couple of days ahead, go out and get a good meal. I’ll let you know when you can come back.” Well, what Sarah was really up to, was readying Barbara for her final date with her husband. When I next walked in that room, among other things, her hair was done, and she looked as beautiful as a woman could in the situation she was in. My heart was full. I told Sarah, “You didn’t need to do all this!” Her response spoke volumes to me, “Yes, I did.”

After everyone had left and it was just Barbara and me, I sat beside her, holding her hand and stroking her hair and head. I put on our favorite playlist, “Our Love Story”, and we listened together. I have it on good authority that Barbara was still able to hear, even in the condition she was in. So yes, she heard the music, even when I was singing along, and to her. It was the same playlist we had listened to many times, including just a couple of weeks earlier, at home. She was having a terrible time trying to sleep, which was a nightly occurrence. I played it, and we both sang a little, and it helped settle her down enough to eventually get to sleep that evening.

There is nothing magical about those 11 songs. Well, not to anyone other than us, at least. Just a great mix of Country, old R&B, Rock and Christian. They were just songs that were very special to one or both of us over the years, as we “collected” them.

When the music was over, we chatted. Even if it was a little one-sided on the speaking part. But you know what? I had never had a better opportunity to tell Barbara everything that I had always wanted to tell her. All of the Thank-Yous. All of the special moments we shared. All of the things I admired about her. So many other things. And of course, all of the I Love Yous that I could get out. That was not an evening to leave anything left unsaid.

It may sound odd, but in some ways, I had never felt closer to Barbara than in those couple of hours. I can’t explain it, other than to say our God is amazing, and the Holy Spirit works in ways that we could never, ever imagine. He helped me to have a supernatural peace about what the next 24 hours was going to bring.

My point in sharing all of this is two-fold. First, admittedly, it’s somewhat cathartic to put this on paper. Anyone reading this that has read other posts from the last year – thank you for letting me share my story – I hope it has helped you in some way, shape or form. Second, and this reason is less selfish and more intentional, I want to encourage you to share an evening like this with your spouse BEFORE it’s the last opportunity you have. We were blessed in that Barbara and I shared these kinds of evenings often over the years. There was nothing I told her that final evening that she hadn’t heard before. Just maybe not all at once.

Please, don’t wait to tell your spouse, or anyone you love for that matter, how much they mean to you. Don’t assume you’ll have a chance “someday” to do so. The future is not guaranteed. And whatever future there is, comes along faster than you expect. Tell them. Tell them before you no longer have the opportunity to do so.

Tomorrow is what I’m calling “Remembrance Day”. I’ll be doing some things that she loved and sharing them with her in spirit. One year ago, The Lord took Barbara home. She had run her race and finished it well. I could go on for days about how proud I am of her for how she approached and handled everything that God ever sent her way. So many precious memories. So many lives impacted. So many full hearts…

If you knew Barbara, I ask that you spend just a couple of minutes thinking about some of your favorite memories of and with her, tomorrow. The ones that put smiles on your face! If you didn’t know her, maybe think of someone you need to share something with, to remind them you love them, or to thank them for being in your life. Tomorrow would be a great day for you to do that.

As always, I thank you for reading these posts. I hope they’re meaningful to someone other than just me.

Now… I have a playlist to listen to…